Sex and produce, the missing link

Nerve has an hysterical article today. Sex advice from organic farmers. How they came up with this idea isn’t entirely elucidated but whoever did should get a raise. I like laughing with my smut. It includes such gems as this heart-warming piece of advice:

Where’s the best place on the farm for a roll in the hay?
The big long grass in the back. Just not the hay. Hay is itchy and gets in the wrong places.

I am so glad that I have my paid subscription back. While you get to go to the site and read about organic farmers, I get to see tons of hot naked people. I’ll find a way to share the wealth one of these days. But, word to the wise – you can subvert the need for a subscription when reading the back issues by entering via archive.org. Just use the WayBack Machine to view the cached versions of the website. That is your sneaky, horny research tip of the day. I remember using this trick to read the Stephen Malkmus bedroom interview, I then parlayed the experience into multiple orgasms.

New Play Things

I have decided to buy myself a new toy at the end of my detox. It is going to be elaborate, sparkly and, like Stephen Malkmus, cause multiple orgasms. The problem is, that I can’t pin down what to buy! This is where you come in. There are approximately 70 people that have friended me. If I get 30 comment responses to my informal poll I promise to take pictures with the new toy that I choose. I repeat! Me. Pussy. Vibrator. Camera. Internet. Lend me a hand!

Here are the candidates:

Cosmic Vibe
Rabbit Habit
Mermaid
Honey

Vote early, vote often. Bonus points to anyone that gives me an evocative one liner to justify their choice. By evocative, I mean, really fucking dirty ;)

In closing, I would like to openly address my boyfriend in front of these assembled witnesses:
Baby, I don’t know when I will see you next. But, rest assured that I have every intention to fuck your brains out as soon as possible. You are also going to get the blowjob of your life because I have been craving cock on my lips. You. Me. Fuck until morning. Soon please?