I’ll have more to say soon but I have to share this ridiculous email I got today. Am I correct in understanding that this guy wants to kick me in the cunt? I’m sorry to report that there are no photos (yet!) but I’ll share them if I acquire some:
Lets see if your real or just talk.
What you are about to read is for real!!!
I am average to good looking, I,m in good shape,and can Fuck, But I have a unique ability. Due to a birth defect, My lower leg is shaped like a 14 inch long 3 inch wide cock. I always use a condom.The women I have use this on, say it feels exactly like the real thing, Just bigger, and it gives them an orgasm like they have never felt before.I am very good at using it.There is a lot more I do, but this is the main thing that the women in the past have loved.It makes Your pussy get so wet, and it hits all sides and bottom constantly at the same time.I get turned on by how wet your pussy gets,and listening to you moan in ecstasy.I think every woman should let their pussy experience this ultimate orgasm.
It has also been my Fantasy to use my ability with two women at the same time. The advantage of my ability is 1) it’s always erect and ready, 2)In certain positions and can give sexual penetration to two women at the same time!!!
I would like the chance to please your Pussy!!!!!
Now this is something I have done with only 3 women so far, and I was surprised that they all enjoyed it 110%.
This is an orgasm like you have never had before. Do you think your woman enough to try it!!!!!!
I decided to share a true experience with you. I hope this experience of mine turns you on, and does not offend you.
The only true way for you to know is to try me at least once.
First let me give you a little info on me. I am an average nice looking black man. I have a special unique ability to give a women the ultimate orgasm, by stimulating all sides and bottom of her pussy at the same time. You will get a better understanding when we meet.
Well anyway here is how the story goes,
Its March 1 ( My real birthday)
Its about 100 am, I look in the mirror and say;
“I don’t look to bad for a man 33.”
I’m bored and feeling really freaky, so I decided to check to see who’s on-line.
as I check my messages, I notice I got a message from fuckme1880, she said; “she wants an orgasm now!!!”
She sent her # and told me to call.
Well we been sending messages back an fourth for about 2 weeks, so I decided to give her a call. I call, we talk, she gives me her address and tells me to come over. About 20 minutes later I’m at her apartment. I knock on her door, no answer, I begin to think to myself;”what the hell is taking so long”. Just as i get ready to leave, the door opens, she is standing behind the door and tells me to come in.I’m thinking to myself: “what the hell!?!?! why is she behind the door?” As I slowly peek my head around the door, my question is answered. She is only wearing a T-shirt,no panties.She says; “we can go in the bedroom and talk”.
We sit on the bed,we talk for a few minutes, just normal awkward chit-chat. Then I ask her; “would you like the ultimate orgasm?” she says; “hell ya” She turns on her stomach, I spread that big ass open, as I slide my unique ability into her pussy,I hear her whisper slowly; “oh sh…it” As I begin to stroke in and out of that pussy(condom on as always) I hear her
again whisper slowly; “oh sh…it” then she says; you got a winner.I pretend like I did not hear her. I ask her: what did you say? all I get in response is
“oh sh…it” “God …D…am” “oh sh…it” I start to stroke a little faster, a Little deeper. She grabs the pillow to her face,as she begins to scream out screams of intense Ecstasy. She’s holding the pillow so tight, it’s as if she is trying to suffocate herself.Each time I stroke in,I can hear the cum splashing in her pussy, she says she can hear it to!I know the neighbors can hear her screams!!,I bet the neighbors are horny as hell right about now. Now is time for me to bring it home, time for the ULTIMATE ORGASM!!!
I stoke every inch of that pussy, fast, slow, in and out.She’s trying to run!, I have to grip that big ass to keep her from running. The more she tries to run ,the more intense the feeling gets.
She screams out; I’m CUMMING!!!!, I’m CUMMING!!!!
“oh shit” “God Dam” ” shit” I have stopped, but she has not, she is shaking and shivering, like she is having a seizure.She keeps saying; ” you got a winner!”, “you got a winner!”
When thats how it went down between me and fuckme1880.
I mean no disrespect to you, or to the lady who calls herself fuckme1880. I just wanted you to see what I can do.
My name is Bryant, I cant wait to hear from you.
Is it just me or does this proposition read a bit like an infomercial? Or a website for a pyramid scheme?
If you've wondered what it would be like to get me on the phone, no need to wonder anymore!
No Response for "Can I kick you in the cunt?"
…only someone usually proofreads infomercials.
I’m struck by the change of tone over the message, from the confrontational cockiness of the first line, to the hand-wringing protestations of respectfulness further on.
Ellie, when did your blog turn into a comedy sketch? That shit is hilarious. “I mean no disrespect, but let me foot fuck you!”
Reminds me of the Kick in the Cunt song from Run Ronnie Run…
All the other aside, shouldn’t it have been, “May I kick you in the cunt?” ?
I think I will NEVER understand this kind of pitch. All I can figure is answering it must sign you up for a bunch of SPAM or something….
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