Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert

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Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Cunnilingus Expert Kit from Babeland

Oct 23,2008

I recently had the chance to try out the Cunnilingus Expert Kit from Babeland and I think that it provides a great selection of items to help you become a more effective twat licker. I wanted this kit because I was pretty worried about my technique and I was hoping to be illuminated and have some of my fears quashed. While I’ve received cunnilingus many times, I hadn’t given it too many and so this review is written from the perspective of trying to improve my own techniques and learn a few things about how cunnilingus idealy works.

What you get in this kit and what I thought of it:

I’m a big fan of Violet Blue’s sex manuals because they are written in very straight-forward language that isn’t just designed to give you the techniques but also to ease fears that may exist. This book is no exception and really seems suited to people with a variety of sexual experiences. Feeling like I am new to licking pussy, I appreciated a bit of hand-holding in relation to the concepts presented but it also seems that even seasoned experts would derive some useful information here.

I’ve been hearing about the Orchid G for a long time and was glad to have the chance to try it out. While I haven’t gotten to use it on a partner yet, I was on the receiving end of this lovely wand. If you want straight-forward, no-nonsense G spot vibrations this is the toy for you. The shape is quite perfect and just the slightest twists and turns made it take me to new places. Of all the G spot toys I’ve tried this is the single one that has inspired me to really explore my G spot (as well as those of my friends!)

I have to say that I was skeptical about this product. Babeland doesn’t put their name on crap so I knew it would be good quality but I was hung up on the name. Lickable. . . oil. I’m not usually a fan of flavored lubes or getting things like this in my mouth. Plus the promise of oilyness made it sound all the more alarming. However, this was a pleasant surprise because the oil didn’t spread across my mouth the way that I thought it might. That brings you down to a question of flavors. I’m usually not a fan of very sweet flavors in products like this and while the dulce de leche smelled just like it’s namesake, I probably would have prefered something more fruity and light. Still, if you like the idea of adding condiments to your partner before eating them up, this lickable oil is a good option. Just remember that it isn’t compatible with latex!

My comments about flavored lube have already been shared above. However, this stuff works really well. Sliquid is a quality lube and the flavor doesn’t bother me even if I don’t have a lot of plans to have it in my mouth.

The dental dams were nice and thin and allowed for some very good contact with flesh. My personal sex practices admittedly don’t usually call for their use but they are very good to have around. Even if you don’t like using them for cunnilingus, you may find that you do like using them for analingus (and should! even with a fluid-bonded partner).

I’m sort of skeptical about special sex-toy wipes. These can be used on your toys or yourself and they worked just fine but I didn’t detect anything that set them aside from my standard package of baby wipes other than the price.


You save 25% when you buy these items together as a kit (it is basically like buying the Lickable Oil, Orchid G, and Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus and getting everything else for free). This is a fun kit that will get you set up for oral sex and many more good times.

Keep it Like a Secret

  • Filed under: Sex
Oct 16,2008

Last I checked in, I mentioned that we would be staying with some friends in Atlanta while attending DomCon. Ariel and Michael turned out to be more than amazing. I’m still a bit stunned by meeting them and I wonder if I’ll wake up from this soon.

I don’t have anything to say about what happened this weekend just yet. Really, it is that there is too much to say. Hopes, fears, phenomenal intimacy and a lot of sparks (both figuratively and literally).

Sigh. So I’m in this place where I can swoon and speak only in song lyrics and I’m so grateful for that. So in lieu of a play-by-play, you get a playlist.

Rope Slut

Oct 10,2008

Image from RopeRookie.com – Click to see the rest of the gallery.

I’ll admit it. I salivate a little when I think about rope on my body. We rope sluts are a peculiar breed within the BDSM world. Whereas many people complain and say that rope bondage takes too long, we see it as an end in itself. A brilliant exchange of energy and sensual connection.

The first time I played with rope was with Jay, neither of us really knew what we were doing but it still took my breath away. A few years later and we’re both getting better at the game. In the spirit of education we’re going to this weekend.  We’ve both been asked to be demo bottoms for Artemis Hunter’s class on predicament bondage. I’ve bottomed for this class before and it was a ton of fun. I won’t give away any surprises, though, for those of you that plan on attending.

After the demo and day of classes, we plan to go play 1763 with some friends in Atlanta. Last time we were there was for Sex 2.0 and we’re hoping to make the most of the play space and equipment this time around. I have several hundred feet of great rope to test my skills on.

Sugasm #148

  • Filed under: Sex
Sep 28,2008

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #149? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

People I could hang out with

“But it wasn’t just a story, it was a damn sexy story.”

Red, Hot Ass

“I grunted, but held still.”

Smart Girls Make Better Lovers

“Chicks with brains can make you scream.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Editor’s Choice

Sex Blogging and Writing for the Drawer

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Dressing Room HNT

Sep 25,2008

Jay and I went shopping today. The plan was to buy some new shoes but I ended up trying on bras and tops. I like what this one does for me. In fact I like it so much that I think I’ll go take some pictures with just the bra.

Sep 24,2008

In literary studies there is a concept of writing “for the drawer”. It refers to writing that was done in a historical period or within a socio-political situation that did not allow for it to be published or even openly shared. Some of the greatest literary works produced in early Stalinist Russia were not published until 30-40 years after their initial inception.

People like Andrei Bely, Mikhael Bulgakov, and Anna Akhmatova had important things to say and vivid artistic expression that simply could not be expressed. Their ideas were not just unpopular, they were dangerous to the government. And, the simple knowledge of the existence of these writings would have been sufficient to cause them and their entire families to be imprisoned or killed. Writing for the drawer was a political reality and necessity.

People still write in this way today, but not for such dire reasons. The cloak of anonymity that most bloggers maintain is significant but sometimes even it isn’t sufficient. What if I told you that even on an anonymous blog, the community that exists is enough to cause some to self-censor?

If anonymous blogging is already writing for the drawer and this blog is a space for my most personal and difficult thoughts, then where do I write down the things that I can’t even say here? One solution is personal friendships. I have a friend that frequently sends me emails with pieces of writing and a subject line like, “I can’t blog this”. Sometimes he is correct. For social reasons or political ones or just “good taste”, he really can’t. Sometimes I convince him that he is wrong because I know his subject line is a challenge to both of us, of course he “can” blog it, but will he?

Me? I don’t even commit these dirtiest of thoughts to words in a publishable way. I may talk about them with friends or even allude to them on Twitter but the simple act of stringing words into sentences and sentences into paragraphs seems very risky and final to me. If I write and I don’t publish, I am admitting that the thoughts are unpublishable. And if I don’t publish the unpublishable, what am I doing here?

So, my challenge to myself and to every other reader, writer, and sexual being out there is to think about those controversial thoughts. The ones that are too provocative, too infuriating, too risky for even your anonymous self. If you’re brave, you’ll share them in the comments, if you’re braver you’ll commit it to posterity in some way.

I’ll be writing a series of posts that reveal these thoughts and ideas. They won’t be comfortable and they won’t be nice but they aren’t written in the spirit of burning bridges but rather in the hope of forging difficult and painful connections through honesty.

The Wartenberg Wheel from Babeland

Sep 20,2008

Almost anyone that is into BDSM and sensation play has seen one of these spiky metal toys before but the rest of you may be a bit confused by it. Allow me to introduce you to the Wartenberg Wheel, a compact and versatile addition to your toy bag.

This pinwheel is stainless steel and has a spinning head with small needles radiating out from it. You can use it in a variety of ways depending on your partner and your own sadistic streak. Changing the amount of pressure exerted and the location of the wheel allows for drastic changes in sensation.

Jay and I tried it out on each other and played with pressure. It can range from tickly to downright ouchy and allows for a lot of fun sensations in-between. This toy can be a fun addition to a sensual massage, a bondage session, or it can be fun to sneak into oral sex. Try getting your partner close to climax and then firmly sliding this pinwheel up his or her thigh.

NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar

  • Filed under: Sex
Sep 19,2008

Many of my friends and acquaintances in New York are launching a new project, The NYC Sex Bloggers 2009 Calendar.

This project benefits Audacia Ray’s Sex Work Awareness Project, a very worthy cause. The people included are some of NYC’s best sex-positive writers, educators, and film makers and the calendar promises to be something special. Who are the models?

So, take a look at the project and consider ordering a calendar or a specially inscribed calendar day!

About Ellie

Ellie Lumpesse writes about sex, BDSM, relationships, non-monogamy, feminism, and rhetoric. In addition to blogging, she produces the Bedroom Radio sex podcast, is a phone slut for hire, and reviews sex toys.

This is the last time you will see her talk about herself in the third person.

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